


What Amber Liu thinks of Jessica Jung

by mechafly



Category: K-pop, So Nyuh Shi Dae | Girls' Generation, f(x)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-13
Updated: 2013-06-13
Packaged: 2017-12-14 20:57:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/841303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mechafly/pseuds/mechafly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Amber happens to think Krystal's big sister is hot stuff.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Amber Liu thinks of Jessica Jung

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on LJ on 27 April, 2011.

Amber sometimes suspects she's only friendly to people because she doesn't have other bases to rely on — she's not impossibly tall and goddess-like like Victoria, or revered by Korea and snarky to boot like Yoona, or pretty and confident like Krystal. Still she's not any nicer than she ought to be — she loves Krystal, for one, but that doesn't extend to her immediate family, not when Jessica looks murderous when Krystal leaves to go and hug and start an animated conversation with Victoria, as if Jessica doesn't get why Krystal should look up to anyone else. And if Amber thinks about it she knows that Victoria's the better role model — Victoria's the one who answers Krystal's calls from home in the middle of the night with a yawning, "Eh, Soojung-ah?", and Victoria's the one who cooks for all of them and keeps Krystal fed, fusses over her. Jessica, meanwhile, is caring but busy, inescapably busy, so that Krystal starts not seeing her for long stretches of time, keeping her memory alive by giggling crazy stories about her unnie to Amber and the others, and slowly not missing her at all. It's not Jessica's fault, it's just the way it is.

The dirty looks, though, and the way Jessica's mouth thins when she's around Victoria — occasionally Amber finds it sweet, actually, because she recognizes those Krystal's 'I-am-too-tired-to-care-about-this-Amber-get-straight-to-the-point' looks in that paler, more delicate, older face — the way Jessica looks like she's tried to swallow a sour lemon rubs Amber the wrong way. She tries, actually, reaching out, saying hi — she says it in English without really meaning to, her brain divides everyone up into 'understandable' and 'Korean' even now — and Jessica stares at her from the end of her delicate thin noise and doesn't say anything. Jessica has the biggest eyes Amber's ever seen in real life. Amber nods awkwardly, a second-hand imitation of a Korean bow, and goes to talk to Tiffany.

 

 

 

Back when they'd been trainees, Amber'd had a little secret she'd been keeping to herself to sometime. It wasn't something she'd wanted to bother Victoria with, and there was the language and culture barrier with Sulli and Luna, back when she'd been trying to get to grips with being non-Korean in Korea. So there was Krystal, pretty much tiny and confident and smirking as she always was, stopping round the trainee dorms every so often to bring food and pull pranks on Sulli. Krystal had been strange back then, almost hyperactive and desperate to be around them, when at home her parents were starting to get calls in the middle of the night from strangers and fans because Jessica's group was becoming new, huge big thing, and everybody wanted a piece of her.

Krystal had started staying over a few times back then, rolling a sleeping Sulli out of bed and snuggling up next to Victoria, or creeping in behind Amber's back and hiding in the bed, gesturing a giggling Luna to stay quiet, and making Amber shout in surprise at the sight of an apparent stranger wriggling around under her covers. What with the space Sulli required to sleep and Victoria's tendency to start doing the splits and kick in her sleep, it was natural for Krystal to end up with Amber and Luna for often than not, Amber browsing the internet and emailing her family on her laptop with Luna and Krystal pestering her to put a DVD on—"Guys, I'm not, like, even gonna be able to understand half the film, and we need to be up early tomorrow!"—"Jeez, Amber, it has _subs_ , you know!"—"Hey, Soojung, don't talk to your elders like that!—"Haha—omo! Sorry oppa!"—with their manager sticking their head round the door in an hour later and grousing at them to go the hell to sleep, kids. It had soon petered out, though, when Krystal had got her bearings, and also when her parents had suggest she move into the dorm full-time since she spent so much time there. Krystal loved them, but she wasn't willing to give up her own bed with her Hello Kitty sheets and _her own shower_.

One of those times, though, they'd all slumped back to the dorm after a gruelling day's worth of dance practice, never being quite tall or strong or light-footed enough, and singing practice on top, their voices going toneless after too many hours of hitting nonsensical notes, over and over. Krystal had ignored Victoria's offer to walk her the short distance home and tagged along, and ended up flopping into bed with Luna, who was asleep in minutes. Amber remembered being distracted, mainly by that sight earlier in the day; one of their senior groups, the nine-girl group which, coincidentally, including Krystal's sister, in the dance studio, working twice as hard as they'd been and sweating twice as hard too. When Krystal sat up a few moments later Amber found herself wondering if Krystal was remembering it too.

"We have to work hard," Krystal sighed in the dark, leaning against the bedpost. Amber couldn't help but think that Krystal compared herself — her voice, her looks, her dancing, her place in the group — to her sister.

"Krystal." Amber didn't know what she was about to say until after she said it. "This is kind of — a secret, but I kinda want someone to know."

Krystal's back straightened, her gaze turning on Amber. "Right."

"Um—" the awkward pause before the confession, and Amber was fiddling with the cheap pink duvet of her bed. "I, um, I like girls."

"Right," Krystal said almost immediately, heralding an awkward, confused pause. "Any particular girls?"

Amber remembered this moment for years to come with a good cringe, only realizing later that Krystal might have thought Amber was about to confess to her, or something. That would've caused an amazing number of problems, and Amber apologized to Krystal much later for allowing that moment of panic.

"No," Amber shook her head, "not particularly. Well — but no."

"Go on."

Amber laughed, covering it up with a hand even though it was dark and Krystal had picked up on the sound anyway, leaning closer, the angle of her head tinged with interest. "Okay, well, um, So Nyuh Shi Dae? They're — why are you looking at me like that." Krystal shrugged, smirking spectacularly. "I was just going to say they're pretty!" Amber realized she'd gone a bit loud and ducked with a defensive hiss. "What?!"

"Every. Single. Oppa fan of them I know?" Krystal's dark round eyes went slitted and teasing. "They've got a favorite. Who's yours?"

They stared at each other for ten whole seconds before Amber looked away first, running a hand through her head and suddenly feeling worried. "Well, I hadn't quite decided—" Amber began.

"It's her, isn't it?" Krystal didn't sound angry, or annoyed, or amused, just world-weary and knowing. "Gosh, it always is, as well." Amber didn't reflect on why Krystal was grouping Amber with her former boyfriends.

"I haven't even met her," Amber said despairingly after a moment. "Not properly, I mean. We've never spoken."

Krystal shrugged. "I could introduce you."

"Please don't," Amber said immediately, making Krystal chuckle. "I mean, it's kinda embarassing."

"I can imagine," Krystal said dryly, and chucked the spare duvet over Amber's head. That had forestalled the conversation nicely, what with Amber being unable to extract herself from the pile of covers on top of her, not with Krystal bouncing on top and cackling like a maniac until she'd finally, unexpectedly fallen asleep and nearly rolled off the bed when Amber had sat up. Amber had put her to bed next to Luna and tucked them both in, and gone to write another long, meandering email to her family.

When Amber finally met Jessica months later she was on the tail-end of a silent, yearning passion for one of the members of The Grace, and she'd almost forgotten about that crush on Jessica. Krystal, certainly, had never brought it up, and the meeting itself was unremarkable. They'd nodded to each other and Jessica, much tinier and palier and older-looking up close, had reeled off the standard greeting about asking Amber to take care of Krystal before leaving with the other Soshi members. Amber had reflected on it in a quiet moment later with a laugh; it was strange how things changed so quickly.

 

 

 

 

Amber doesn't mean to let Jessica grate on her, therefore, but there's something about the way she almost but doesn't quite look like Krystal, and the fact that she doesn't bother to hide the way she sulks around Victoria, and the fact that Amber knows Victoria sees it too, the Krystal-like stubbornness in Jessica's face directed painfully at her. They're all kids and Victoria looks after them, but it's also worked in reverse and made them irrationally protective of her too. One time Jessica's sitting at the other end of the dance studio and staring quite openly at Victoria, who suddenly becomes self-conscious and beautifully straight-backed in her otherwise low-level conversation with Luna, and Amber's supposed to be practising splits but she gets up and treads over to Jessica instead. Jessica's not alone, but Sooyoung and Hyoyeon just say hi to Amber before dragging each other away in laughter.

"Hi, noona." Amber sits down beside Jessica, leaning against the wall as Jessica watches her out of the corner of the eye and, when she finally processes what Amber's just said, chokes. It takes Amber a second to realize she's laughing. "Are you alright?"

Jessica grins and shakes her head, then catches herself and nods. Amber's always thought Jessica had the nicest smile; there's something unashamedly bold-faced about it, though the stunning prettiness helps too. "Did you just call me 'noona'?" Jessica addresses her in English, and Amber realizes with a jolt that Jessica's voice is about twenty times more attractive when she's speaking English, her soft voice going sharp and brittle and smiling. She'd always assumed Jessica would sound like Krystal, adorably accented but otherwise the same, but it's not the case. "Hey, Amber, why'd you just call me that? You don't _like_ me, do you?"

"Um," Amber manages, wishing she didn't sound so hoarse all of a sudden, and licks her lip before realizing she's staring.

Jessica tilts her head and grins. "It's okay if you do, I don't mind. I'm totally into girls myself!" Amber stares at her, mouth falling open, as Jessica rolls on the floor, giggling silently. When Jessica eventually manages to right herself, Amber's expression hasn't changed but Jessica's smiling as she leans over and rubs one pale, long-fingered hand against Amber's elbow. "I'm not kidding, though," she grins, breath brushing Amber's ear for one tiny moment before drawing away. "But, you know, I can never find anyone who feels the same. Say, you're cute, you don't mind if I steal you from my little sis, right?" Before Amber can stutter out a 'Hell no I don't mind, do with me as you will,' Jessica seems to have read her; and she smirks back at Amber before following Sooyoung and Hyoyeon out. Amber swears she doesn't hear footsteps, just her own blood rushing in her ears.

"Yo," Sulli says not too long after, waving a hand in Amber's face. "You alright?" Amber looks up and takes Sulli's hand as Sulli pulls her up to stand.

"Yeah, I'm, um, great," Amber says, and she's knows she's grinning like a complete maniac but right now, she can't stop herself.


End file.
